Haunted Cop Shop, The
If this monk wants a donation from Chief Shun
he's in for a real disappointment
Chief Shun will say this in his usual Japanese styled monologue
I'm really sorry but I really have no money for you
Sorry, sir!
I'm really sorry, sir
Arert you 3927?
Amida Buddha
6424, I'm no longer the old 3927
I'm a monk now My sacerdotal name is Wai Chin
What? This is really too unexpected
A gallant policeman like you would actually seek life in a monastry
As your old colleague I feel a sense of loss
It's because I've been so remorseless after all those years
that I wanted to repent and turn to monkhood
Such tragic ending to a beautiful police story
So what brings you here today?
To test if I have levitated from the earthly nature
That is really too deep for me to understand
What has your levitation test got to do with wisiting me?
You would have never guessed
Before I became a monk you were the one that I hated the most
But today I have come to your salvation
That shouId prove if I've reached levitation
You're out of your mind
As a Chief of Police with
such efficient staff under me, would I even need your help?
Regardless, I have only two things to warn you
I hope you will be well prepared
First, after midnight on the 7th day from today,
you must not let any woman in pink enter the premises
Otherwise this headquarters shall receive demonic harrassment
That is absolutely ridiculous! It's stupid You
Secondly you must refrain yourself from coarse language
Or else blood shall descend upon you It's up to you to believe it or not
You You're too
What? Macky Kim
Yes, sir!
A hit by a mere tennis ball can cause a bleeding?
Could what he said be true? So demonical
What's happening seven days from now?
What happening?
It's the Yu Lan Festival!
The Yu Lan Festival? (The Hungre Gnosts Festival)
Who do you think you are? You cheat
Did you hear what he said?
I couIdrt hear a thing
They look vicious
Hey buddy! You're standing in my way
I'll give you 5 seconds to move your car elsewhere
5 seconds? 54,32,1
5 seconds have passed So what's going to happen?
Need me to avenge for you Chiu?
No! Just hold onto my gun
Just in case I lose control
Not good They're cops
Sorry, officer I didrt mean it Not a problem! I wort abuse my authority
This is merely a civil case
Unless it's necessary, my friend wort open fire
Say no more You just want a fight don't you?
And you, you too Come on altogether now
Bravo! I've never seen such a heroic cop in a long time
Oh yeah! Usually cops wouId assume they're great
just because they carry guns around them
But not this one! He's a real man!
Definitely a real man indeed!
Come on, hit me I wort be jobbing you Remember what you said, officer!
They're for real What'll we do?
Look! The moods of your audience are riding high
You're their idol now Just hang in there!
You're amazing officer There's a real winner in you
Right on! I feel a little dizzy
Let's call it quits 1,23 We've lost!
You've won this match Fair and square!
Let's do it again some other day
Thank you officer! Much obliged
Let's go! You were great out there, buddy!
You're the first real manly cop I've ever seen
I'm flattered This is called keeping a good relationship between the police and the public
See? Although this officer has lost the fight,
he'll have to let go of that parking space and give it back to them
I agree
You're a clever one, good friend We'll give it back to them
Bye bye! Bye bye!
We don't need to stoop that low, do we?
We may have lost the battle but we've earned a round of applause
Come on Smile! We have to keep up our image
I'm going in for a little shopping Just smile presentably
Boss!
What would you like to buy, officer?
Just the usual paper products and whatever needed to be
burnt on the Yu Lan Festival Hurry, please
What's happening?
Sneaky Ming have you caught him yet?
We're still on the streets We'll be back before dark Over!
Chung, it's not even the Mid Autumn Festival yet Why hang the lantern so soon?
What do you kids know? This is the victory lantern
It's an old tradition to have it hung on the doorway
so the wandering spirits shall not make a mess in the premises
That's ridiculous!
This is a police station Not a mortuary
How wouId these ghosts come in so easily?
Exactly
But this district is off limits from the city
What would happen if one of them got lost and wandered in?
That'd be bad for all of us, right?
You've got a point Then, you better tie it tight
Tie it tight
Going anywhere after work, Millie? Wanna go watch a movie?
I'll think about it
The usual! What do you think?
I guess that's a no
Okay!
Hi, Millie!
What are you guys trying to do? Nothing
Pay up I told you she wouldrt wearing a bra
How can your guesses be so accurate all the time?
It's simple! Are you wearing any socks today?
No
Why not?
It's been raining for days They're not dried yet
Well, there you go!
If your socks arert dried, how can her bra be dry?
That's pretty logical, beady eyes!
Why are you screaming when I havert even hit you yet?
I'm just giving the immediate reaction beforehand officer
I learnt this from my woman
She said giving a reaction is most important
The louder she screams the happier her clients get
Once you're happy with my reaction you officers naturally won't be hitting me
I'm not like those youngsters They pretend to be
Rambo even when they've been beaten to a near death state
It's just so unprofessional
Dort I have a point, officers?
Hello, officers! How are you?
What now?
We've found nothing
Take off those undershorts! Take them off!
Please, officer! Let me off the hook!
I really didrt steal any diamond crucifix
I was in church because I heard the Lord's call
He says he's come to my salvation
Still trying to con us with your stupid stories?
Now, I'm not coming to your salvation so I'll knock you out of your senses instead
Please don't do this to me officer!
This is not the first time you know me
Getting admissable evidence from me is like listening to fairy tales
The degree of believability is low but
it's entertaining just as long as we're having fun
It's a lot better than arguing all night long
My partner hasn't cracked a case in the last 6 months
Tonight we have the chance to meet again
For old times sake help us as a friend Just admit the crime
I'll help you appeal to the judge for leniency
It's not that I don't want to help but I've got
2 theft convictions If I get convicted again, I'll go to jail
You guys just want to crack a case, right?
See that waste bin in front of this station?
I'm the one who kicked and broke it
Charge me for vandalism Isrt that friendly enough for you?
After all my begging you still try to deny?
Ghost!
It's Millie!
It's frightening Let's go check it out!
Where are you guys going?
What about me?
Check the library
It cart be that haunted can it?
Who is it?
You look so overdressed Are you going to a Halloween party?
I dort have a choice I was forced to strip
Hey! What are you looking for? Looking for the light switch?
Obviously, the switch is on the wall Why bother checking the floor?
Have you seen my head?
Your head? You mean the socket head, right?
My head is missing
Ghosts!
Give my head back to me
Give it back
I wort Die!
Give it back
I've finally got the cruciflx back!
Well done Chiu!
Oh! I'm so scared!
We've really nailed you this time
What? Try to scare me back?
Take him down to the cell first
Sneaky Ming! What are you in for? Did you rob a 711 this time?
This has gone too far!
As police officers you dress up like this in the line of duty!
We were just trying to scare Sneaky Ming
That's right I found the crucifix
You fools! Using such ways to clear a case is absolutely ridiculous
Sir!
Quit explaining What's the point of becoming police officers when
you're going to use the police headquarters like it's a movie set?
You might as well turn yourselves into actors
A refined and valorous Chief of Police
as myself leading a bunch of jerks like you It's pitiful!
Now, get to work and bring those
paper boy and girl servants out to the courtyard
and burn them exactly on midnight
And also don't let any women dressed in pink enter the station
Yes, sir!
Oh no my masterpiece!
Why do we need to burn so many things on the Yu Lan Festival?
You wouldrt know since you're new around here
Then, tell me about it
Did you know what this station used to be?
Take a guess
A funeral home?
Uncle Chung from the canteen told me that this place was once a clubhouse
for the Japanese army When they lost the war,
a group of Japanese people committed seppeku together
So the dolls were burnt to keep them at peace
A clubhouse? This place doesn't look like one
It's true What we're standing on right now used to be a nightclub
The lounge was underneath and the cannon room was above us
Cannon room? Kowloon Tong! Where people make out!
Well, you know! The place where we'd visit often
Badmouthing me again!
Is there a reason why we have to burn these exactly at midnight?
It's when the gates of hell open
Does this count as a woman in pink?!
Could this be a fantasy come true?
Excellent!
You're so sexy Let's make love!
Welcome to the clubhouse
This is a clubhouse?
Yes Please enter
But I'm in jail How can I Jailbirds need to relax too
Good point
Please
Hey! What's the name of this clubhouse?
I dort even know where he learns this It's impeccable!
Cart you tell Mrs Chen?
Dort you dare get any ideas on my best friend!
What are you looking at? Even men? Dort you dare!
Of course I won't!
Cart leave him alone for a second!
What would you like to drink?
Anything will do
This place may be a bit old fashioned
But having such a facility at a police station
is good enough for us jailbirds
Sir have you arranged to play a few rounds of mahjong?
Mahjong? Mahjong
Take this gentleman to the mahjong room This way please
Mahjong Excellent!
Hi! I'm new around here My name's Sneaky Ming
I dort know your rules How big is your bet?
We're high rollers We bet our entire fortune
Wow! That's a big wager Are we betting on our lives here?
If you want to bet on your life we can accept that
If my life is won'thy enough, I guess I'm willing to bet on it
How can this be? Look at this
Big four winds calling Fat Choi to win?
No need to show off like that four eyes
Calling out the Fat Choi? Dort assume we'll discard it out for you
The game has just started I can draw it out myself
What a coincidence I've just drawn one I'll keep this
If you're on such a roll, try and draw it all out
Cart win them all Including this I've only got a pair
Dort even think I'll discard any for you
Well then, I'll discard it for you to triplet
Good draw! What? Why do we have 5 Fat Choi tiles?
You've got one He's got one My little brother's got one
There's one on the table Where is a 5th one?
But you said you've got a pair of Fat Choi
You're a fool for believing what people tell you
Stop playing mahjong and switch to religion instead
Hey old man! Don't be such a smart ass
Draw your tile, four eyes
Change tiles? We'll follow him and discard the Fat Choi
East!
Kong (4 of a kind) Kong on Kong
Kong on West
What luck! Kong on North as well Scared yet?
There are 2 Red Dragons on the table I dort see any 3 Circles
I'll discard the Red Dragon and call the 3 Circles
Red Dragon
Dort change your mind twice It's not allowed
Yeah
No one's going to discard 3 Circles for you
Are you guys really planning not to discard 3 Circles?
Of course!
Then, I guess I'll have to draw it by myself Double jackpot!
You've really self drawn your own life this time
Self drawn your own life
You've declared a wrong win Pay us your life
My eyes may have been demonized fellow brethrens
Please give me another chance Otherwise I cart rest in peace
Alright Then we'll let you die in peace
Bless me, dear lord
You've gotta be kidding me
Kong!
Kong on Kong!
Kong again! Please Not another one
Kong on North again!
Be careful there Dort declare another wrong win
I better be extra carefuI
What's this tile?
Red Dragon
And this one?
3 Circles
Are you sure it's a 3 Circle because that's a Red Dragon?
It's a 3 Circle If you dort believe it then just try to declare a win
But this is a pair of Red Dragon! How could I be wrong?
I better not I'm on a losing streak 3 Circles
Red Dragon triplet
But he said it is a 3 Circle
That's what he said What do you think this is?
Red Dragon
Then I can triplet
No way! It's a Red Dragon I declare a win
Are you really declaring a win?
Of course I am So what?
Could it be my eyes that are being demonized?
Ghosts!
Dort strangle me!
We can let you go You'll just have to do something for us
Not a problem Just as long as you don't take me for a fool,
I'll do anything! I swear to God!
Inside this box is General Issei
Today is the rebirth of his poltergeist
You must bring him back to the mortal world
Thank goodness It's only a nightmare
It cart be!
Help!
Sneaky Ming, you're making an escape!
Evil spirits Demons
Dort move Sneaky Ming! Stop running
I'm not the one who wants to escape officers But there really is a ghost
That ghost is right behind you!
See? I told you he's always trying to con people
Let's go after him!
Please don't bite me buddy My blood's impure
I just found out last week that I'm infected with STD
I need to go to the toilet right away
What? Out of order? Under repairs again!
Hey! Open up! Who's in there?
Are you Man Chiu? Are you constipated again?
You must have eaten too much fried pork skin
Hold on tight! Just hold on
Now, wasrt that relieving?
I simply cart wait any longer I'll have to use the ladies washroom
Sorry about this but I really need the washroom Please understand my situation here
Sir!
What's wrong? Make it fast
We've got an escaped convict
Which one?
Sneaky Ming
Sneaky Ming?
Sir didn't you say you needed the washroom?
After such a critical hit? Not anymore
I've lost my mood to go
Even if I force myself to go, it wort be comfortable
It serves no point to be as constipated as him
Constipated? What constipation?
You two must get Sneaky Ming back here before I
come into work tomorrow morning
Otherwise you'd better buy enough mosquito incense and be prepared
to guard the reservoir you jackasses! You two follow me!
Smarten up!
Why does the term "jackass" have to be a donkey?
Why can't it be a jack rabbit, or a jack bunny?
Stop talking nonsense, you jackass! Let's go!
Ming has really got us into trouble this time
What's there to be afraid of? I'm a ghoul now
If I get my hands on him, I'll
Punch him hard 3 times in the face
You scum! You've had us running all over for you
Dort come near me I'm a ghost!
Ghost? Are you still trying to fool us?
I really am a ghost!
Oh really?
Cart you leave me alone even as a ghost?
Help! Police violence! Police officers beating up a ghost!
Go to hell!
Is that how he looks like?
Hey! Where did Sneaky Ming go?
You jerk! Here we are, working hard and you lay down to sleep down here
I'm a ghost officer We ghosts can get tired if there's no rest in the daytime
Tired, huh? Get up!
Is this the one who let you out?
More or less but there's 2 front teeth missing
What teeth?
You know? The ones that look somewhat like mine
Never seen anyone with such ugly teeth as yours
But it's true What I'm telling you is a true fact
Because we're both ghosts Fabricating again?
But sir, I'm really a ghost Really
Sure! Look at yourself! Do ghosts have shadows?
A ghost? Ghost can fly C'mon! Fly for us
Ghost can walk through walls Can you demonstrate that for us?
Please! Don't!
I can't do all of that yet, officer! I haven't even
passed the 7 day test yet I may still be half human
half ghost In laymars terms I'm just an apprentice
However I do have some powers If you doubt me why dort I try biting you?
Alright! Bite me!
Are you for real, Macky? Dort you worry!
Dort regret it! I wort
Even as a ghost, you're still as dumb as ever Would I use
myself as a test subject? Even if I wouId I'd prefer to test it out on you
Then what do you want?
You claim to be a ghost, right?
That's right
Ghosts shouldrt be afraid of buIlets right?
Correct!
Then, I'll aim at your chest and shoot you 3 times is that okay?
Not okay! I'm merely guessing
But what if I'm wrong? Then I'll really die
I'm not even sure if I'm really dead
And if I still got 1% of human mortality in me? It'd be such a shame to die like that
I may be guilty enough to be killed
But it'd be awfuI to turn you officers into murderers
You sure know how to protect us Personal reward from me
How can you prove you're a ghost?
I'll turn into ash when I see sunlight
Good This way we wort be in trouble
Let's give it a try
If you turn into ash, then I'll believe you're a ghost
Come on!
Please don't! I'm not a ghost I'm human
So you're human Then that means you can see the sunlight
No
What are you doing?
Marvelous! I heard you guys have caught Sneaky Ming, is that right?
Thanks for all the hard work
Yes, sir We've caught him but I'm afraid you wort recognize him
That's far fetched! Even if he turns into ashes, I'll recognize him right away
Where is he?
Very well sir Look at this pile of ash See if you recognize him
Dort tell me this is Sneaky Ming?
You numbskulls! Trying to play pranks on me?
Sir someone filed a report last night
There were claims that the cattle stable was haunted by ghosts
I've gotta take a leak Then, go on
Arert you coming along?
You're such a coward! I'll go with you
That's right! You're brave You were born in a funeral home
Did you hear a strange noise?
What noise?
I just farted
Hey! Did you see that?
Can I assume I didrt?
Of course not Let's go!
Dort lean on me like that!
Now, what would ghosts be doing with such a big piece of beef?
Could they be having a fondue?
I'm sure he's just playing dress up so he can steal some beef
Dort move! This is the police!
There's so many of them!
Hey vampires! What do we do?
Vampires need no identification Let's huddle around with them
Those fools have stepped out It's likely they're pretending to be vampires again
Wonder if they're biting pigs or cows this time?
Just as long as they're not biting people, it doesn't matter what they bite on
Stay here and wait for me to get everything prepared
Doctor
Nowadays, being a doctors is like acting in a stage play!
It's delicious!
Is it really delicious?
Of course not! Just keep up with the act
This time is for real What do we do now?
Listen to me!
It's mine No it's mine It's mine
Oh! What a waste what a waste
Very good!
Bottoms up!
That looks fierce!
That must be Count Dracula himself!
Go back to where you belong!
Green Hill, we'll be with you Never will we part
Green Hill, we'll be with you Ever in our heart
We don't know this song!
Sing the one that we won during kindergarden
Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly here and there! It's so annoying!
We can whack you away It really made our day
Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly here
I've never seen you two before!
We're new here
We can whack you away It really made our day
Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly fly
Hurry! Into the car! Whack you away
Green Hill Mental Asylum!
We're cops!
If you're really cops then they're the Governor Generals of Hong Kong
Hey! We're cops Open up!
We can whack you away It really made our day
Fly fly
What's so funny jackass?
Continue with your singing
Sir please don't make fun of us anymore
You fools! Who's the one toying with you?
Right now, I'm filing a report and gathering statements
Keep singing!
So when can we stop singing?
Exactly
Sing until your new superior heads into the office to report for duty
That's right I'm transferred here to be in charge of you two
My name is Fanny Ho
I'm a very democratic person
That's why there's no need for you guys to treat me as your superior
Just treat me as a friend
However anything this friend says is always right
Yes! Anything you say before the end of the world is right
Since coming into this district, the first case I'm handling is
to re apprephend Sneaky Ming back into custody
I've just read your filed report in regards to this case
Other than the ketchup stains and the 14 sets of typing errors,
the content is absolutely ludicrous
It is complete nonsense
Am I right about this?
You're right
From my point of view, Sneaky Ming did not turn into ashes
But he has in fact fled away
It's just that you two wort admit it am I right?
You're wrong!
I'm wrong?
So does this mean you treat me as your superior and not as a friend?
Fine! Then as your superior I'll tell you guys that
you have 48 hours to arrest Sneaky Ming
Otherwise turning into ashes wort do the two of you any good
Now, get out!
Bitch! Thinks she's all high and mighty coming in here with her shades on
Damn her!
Do you know what's the most haunted place around Hong Kong?
What's the matter? Posting a lost and found ad?
Ghosts can be anywhere Where else can we find Sneaky Ming?
With the way things are going, we'll have to take her to a haunted place in 48 hours
She'll believe us once she encounters a ghost
You nut! Havert you heard that the shrieks of a ghost
can't be heard when one is running on good luck?
She's a Chief Inspector
The metal ranks on her shouIders will surely
scare anyone away Let alone ghosts That'll be hard
We can drag her luck all the way down
How?
By making her eat dog meat
My mom said when one is in high luck that person shouId never eat dog meat
Otherwise that luck will slip away
It's summertime right now Where else can we find dog meat?
That's right
Ah Foon, this is really not your lucky day
The appetizers look really good today!
Oh yeah!
Uncle Wah, dort be so upset over Ah Foors disappearance
I'll treat you for a cup of tea
I'm sure you'll find him back
Ah Foon is like a lifelong friend to me
Once I find out who stole Ah Foon
I'll kill him!
What a delicious plate of beef brisket on rice!
Want to try some, Madam?
No thanks I prefer eating a sandwich
Dort you know how bad these sandwiches are?
They get exported to Ehthiopians
They eat them till their eyes protrude
But it's different with beef brisket on rice
It's cooked with its special sauce Give it a try!
I dort like eating beef brisket
Right on!
Beef briskets are for the common peasants
Successful people like Madam should be eating stuff like
fried rice with fresh tomatoes, beef and a hint of red peppers
It's certainly appetizing
Will you two leave me alone and
let me finish this sandwich in peace?
Sure!
So you're really not interested?
Get lost!
Yes, Madam!
Hey! It's time for lunch!
Yeah! Time for lunch
Damn! This beef stinks
It smells like cat food
Let me kill him!
Which one Which one?
But your beef stinks
My beef stinks? I say it's your head that smells bad
All the beef I serve is fresh!
You crook! Do you think you can get by with unfresh meat?
You may be able to fool others but you cart deceive me
I know it best since I was born in a cattle
I dort even care if you were born in a whorehouse!
Get someone else to try it if you still have any doubts
Very well
Somebody give it a try! Try it
Let me try
Get your hands off!
You'd eat anything in sight
You can never tell the difference
How about Madam? She's a fair person
Let Madam try it
Me?
Madam!
Madam, you've got to give me a fair judgement
How does it taste?
How is it?
It does taste a little strange
Strange, isn't it?
Eat another piece for a better taste
Why is there an imprinted number on this piece of beef brisket?
What? A number?
PC3661!
What? PC3661!
Isrt that Ah Foors number?
Chung, you've killed my Foon I'll get you for this!
Get that dog slayer!
Get him!
Block him! http://www.divx-titlovi.com
Get him! Dort let him get away with this!
I've got nothing to do with this
I'll strangle you to death!
The meat was given to me by Macky Kim and Man Chiu
They've even instructed me to do this act so that
they can trick Madam into eating dog meat
So it was you two!
I'm bad I'm wrong I'm low I'm a disgrace
Anyway it was my fault Yes! My fault!
I'm responsible for Ah Foors death
We were just playing around Madam
You animals! I must take revenge for Ah Foon!
Wait!
An eye for an eye A tooth for a tooth
I've killed Ah Foon but I can't pay you with my life
The least I can do is stab my own leg with this! Will that do?
How gallant! I'm proud enough to call you a friend
What a heroic thing to do!
Of course!
Go ahead! Stab
Fine! I'll stab in front of you
What the hell's wrong with you? You just stabbed me
Are you okay, Macky Kim?
You did the actual killing Who else wouId I stab other than you?
But you're the one who came up with the scheme!
The planner can't be classified as the guilty one
I always think of positions to use for making out with Millie
You never see her sueing me for rape now do you?
Ah Foon I'm sorry Bow Wow
The floor's smoother than your face now, Madam Cart we get off yet?
Yeah!
No way! After this you boys have to wash all the police cars in the parking lot
Then, you'll have to come back here to polish the boots
Hey! We agreed to be punished by being police dogs
Ah Foon never had to polish any boots
Ah Foon never needed to be paid What about you guys?
Madam!
What's the situation?
Sit!
What's the matter?
A female corpse was found at the city reservoir
Come!
The deceased was a teacher in a school for the blind
We believe that the cause of death is excess bleeding from a left artery
Do you have any idea what bit her?
We cart be sure yet
Madam, believe us
This woman was bitten to death by a ghost
Yes, Madam We've even gathered information regarding this ghost
Look! This is the one who bit Sneaky Ming to death
When the war ended, he committed seppuku right beneath
our police headquarters He's that General Issei
Nonsense!
Do you want 2 extra pieces of furnture in your own home?
What do you mean?
If she doesrt become a vampire by midnight,
we'll cut our heads off as stools for you
Fine! Then I'll trust you two one last time
There's only one minute left
How can she rise? She's already dead
If the dead can re emerge from the dead then Hong Kong will overload
You're such a dimwit! Trying to deceive Madam like that!
You'd better wash your hair and prepare to become Madam's stool
You'd become a stool if I lose as well, remember that?
I'm trying to confuse her so she'd forget me
Better if one person lost instead of two
If you were born 20 years ago you'd be a traitor
Damn it! Did you just scold me?
Speaking Mandarin now, arert you? Step outside!
Fine! I'll step outside I've wanted to pound you for a long time
Pound me? Fine! Let's go!
She got up!
See? Was I right about that?
I've told you that she wort wake up Let's go!
Stool number one, stool number two
Yes!
Please be seated, Madam!
The stools in my home aren't used for sitting
They're used for kicking
That hard? Are you trying to kick us to death?
Do you think you'd be dead with a kick in the head?
Even a bullet through your heads wort kill you
Why not?
Because your heads are brainless
How can you make such a senseless claim?
Ghosts! Vampires! Are there any werewolves as well?
How can a dead corpse stare at me?
I told you she's wake up
It's a fact It's a solid fact!
Are you pleased now?
It's not because I proved myself right that is making me pleased
But rather because I've proven you wrong that makes me satisfied
Madam, where are you going?
I must report this to Chief Shun
Arert you afraid that he'll call you brainless?
Why are you following? You'd better lock up the room
If she escapes, you and I will be in serious trouble
Where's the key?
On the bed
The bed?
Take a rest If you get hungry,
I'll call the nurse to get you a bag of blood serum
I'm just here for the keys I dort mean to disturb you
Open the door!
Chiu, what's going on?
Chiu, open up!
You have been surrounded by the police!
Dort be stupid
Let's go
It's a good thing that I'm not needed
Move!
Tonight is your night!
Stop the car!
Right now, I'm ticketing you for dangerous driving and speeding
Here is your ticket
We're fellow cops on an assignment right now Please get out of our way
You shouId handle this one for yourself
Better hurry up and throw it away
So you're on a case, officer? What's the case?
We're in pursuit of a
A female junkie running around the streets in the nude
Running naked in the streets? We can lend a helping hand
You two can search that way!
Alright!
There's a ominous aura in this house You can tell that it's haunted just by looking at it
That's exactly what I have in mind
Are you sure? Maybe there's someone having a barbecue
Let's go!
I know But there's nothing wrong with checking it out Let's move!
A police officer's gotta be more agile Let's go!
She's a nutcase!
Unreal!
Hey! Dort push!
Go in
You've got guts! You are a courageous woman indeed
I'm ordering you guys to go in
See? I told you! She's a coward
Says who? I'll go in too!
I told you that she's brainless
Madam, step aside Allow me
Stand aside Let me at it! I'm a Karate expert
This door can be opened, Madam Come in!
What are you laughing at?
Dort move!
This ghost is really vicious!
What ghost?
So you're not a ghost?
You're insane! With me, Chung Fat Pak around
any spirits within 20 miles wouId move away!
Are you that good?
I'm not bluffing here I began training at the age of 5
Made a name for myself at 16 and opened a convenience store at 20
Why open a convenience store?
I've exorcised all the ghosts I had no business so I had to open
a store to make a living I need to eat, you know?
Who are you people?
We're cops!
Cops? What are you doing here?
We're in pursuit of a female goblin
A female goblin?
What do you want?
Madam, we've found the female junkie!
She's at the Three Saints House nearby
Great! Take us there
Hold on!
Shut the door!
You may come out now
Is everything alright, master?
Alright? It's only just begun!
What shouId we do?
Set up the altar!
You! Go to the henouse and bring back 2 cocks
Light up the 7 Star Lantern and keep it burning
Paste these all over the house
Cock cock
Where else can you run off to, you damned cock?
Help me Master!
That's very severe!
Kill the cock and bring me the blood
Kill I'll kill it
Kill it! Hurry up!
A little cut here should do It's still blood
Hurry up and kill it!
Here's your chicken blood, Master!
What? Only 2 drops?
You! Take care of it for now
Me? Go!
Stand aside!
What's wrong?
Get the chicken back!
Give me the knife!
We don't have any Can we smash it with a walkman?
You're out of your mind!
No way, Master! I cart hold on any longer
Master's really something! Move it!
Light the 7 Star Lantern again! Quickly!
It's done, Master!
Save me master!
You guys better leave! Hurry!
Go!
Let's get out of here!
Hurry!
Wait for me!
Where are you guys?
We're being allured by demons
My mother told me that if this ever happens, you shouId take off your underpants
and wear it on your head and keep walking forward Then you'll be fine
I can't take it off
What are you doing?
Taking my pants off to cover my head Think I'm making love to you or something?
I can't take it off!
Take mine and cover your head
Dort you dare! What about me?
Take another one off for her
Sure! Then, I'll take off my last one for you
No thanks Don't take it off It'll be all the same if I puII you from behind
Clever!
Where are you guys, Macky Kim?
I might as well take it off since there's no witnesses around
If I had a choice between getting bitten by rats,
I'd rather have you bite me to death instead Go on! Bite me!
This is no good! I wonder where Madam could've gone to
Yeah! Where could she be?
A rose?
If anyone leaks out information about what we saw tonight, I'll kill him!
Good morning, Madam!
Good morning You promised not to spread anything about last night
Dort you worry! Our lips are sealed
Rose I love you
We're only kidding Don't get so serious now
This tactic is really outdated You couldrt get a thief because of a ghostly encounter?
So what's the point of us police officers wearing the blue cap for?
We might as well hire Mr Exorcist here
Sir please believe me!
I was brought up in a civilized family
My education has always been in the logic of science
I've actually never believed in the paranormal before
But after what happened last night
I'm sure Sneaky Ming was killed by that creature
You imbecile! My father was a Taoist priest and my mother was a psychic
I've had supernatural sight ever since I was born
I live in a place that used to be a mortuary
If there are ghosts why cart I see them?
If the three of you still insist on saying there are ghosts,
then I must trouble you to capture one back for me to take a look
I'd be really gratefuI if you couId do it
Very well! Then, we'll capture a ghost back just for you
I'm all for it!
I'm not
It's two against one Majority wins
Then you two can go ahead without me
What are you scared of? That ghost can't be a threat in the daytime
That's just what you say You cart guarantee anything!
I'm not going and that's final!
Come on!
Those three must be up to something
I believe this is it, Madam
Move it! What are you afraid of?
Who said I was scared?
If you aren't scared then why are you carrying so much junk?
I brought them just in case protection is needed
Throw it away!
A wooden stake and hammer is all we need
Let's go!
Move it!
According to the weather forecast,
a solar eclipse which appears once
every 10 years will be happening in Hong Kong at 2pm
That's precisely in 15 minutes
The solar eclipse will take a duration of 3 minutes
Look at how beautifuI this place is
It doesrt look haunted at all It's more like a beach resort
And these containers I bet they're there for containing coconut or fruit juice
You know how it is with coconut juice Fresh and sweet!
Macky there's even a huge lounge
and a bar with lots of alcohol
Dort you believe me, Madam?
You dort?
You're pretty clever You saw through my deception too
How about this Madam? We'll get off work early and I'll treat you out to a disco
You dort like the disco, dort you?
Then, I'll treat you all for a barbecue
Why stare at me with such contempt?
So I'm scared of ghosts What's the big deal?
If I'm not going then I won't! I'll go home and play some mahjong with my mother
Man Chiu!
I know you guys won't let me off so easily
Hold on tight!
I know Just be carefuI!
Coming through Watch it!
It's hurt!
PuII harder, Man Chiu!
You're pulling off my pants!
Are you okay, Madam?
BuIlshit! Let's see if you're okay with being dropped to the ground like this!
You're so clumsy We'll talk inside
My abdominal's too big I'm stuck and I cart get in
Use a little more strength Pull harder!
PuII harder!
What now?
I can't! I don't think I can make it
You guys will have to do it without me
There's not much time left I feel bad for being unable to help
Go on no need to wait for me
Go on! I told you not to wait for me
Just leave him alone Let's do it!
Why are you so scared? It's not like this is the first time you've seen him
But this is the first time I'm doing this so I am a little scared
Your stake is reversed to the other way
What's the matter?
What are you so scared about? It's not your first time seeing him
I was psychologically prepared to see his head
Who wouId've guessed I'd see its feet?
Why is she there?
So this one must be
Who should we strike first?
Of course it's ladies first stupid!
Hey! Strike it!
Hey! Just strike it!
Strike
I'm striking it!
Just get on with it Don't be such a chicken!
Let me do it
It's merely past 2pm How can it be so dark all of a sudden?
Strike her!
Hold her down first I'll strike her
Strike her!
Now it's your turn!
Great! Let me hammer down that Japanese to death
Quick! Get in the casket!
It's none of my business! I'm just passing by making a delivery
See? I sell garlic
I've got nothing to do with this, your excellency
Really! It's none of my business Please don't come over
Dort! Dort come over No
Man Chiu!
What?
Where did that creature go?
How wouId I know? He might have gone out for an afternoon teatime
I'm really scared right now Better hurry up and tell Madam to get out of here
Come out!
I wort!
That thing is gone
I dort believe you
It's Macky Kim
Prove it
Oh geez! Rose I love you
I told you to never mention that again!
It was so horrific I'm not bluffing either
Wait for me! Hold on for a minute So where were we?
The story started a long time ago You came late
You guys better believe it Once the sun beamed down
the vampire just disappeared into thin air
Is this for real? Is this possible?
Uncle Chung, you're a retired exorcist
This field of work is your expertise
Can you think of any methods to capture that vampire?
You've really irritated him this time
Even if you came looking for him he'll come back to look for you
Dort scare me like that, Uncle Chung!
I'm not giving you a scare Madam
It's better for you to learn the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" procedure if
you want to sleep tight tonight
Is the difficulty hard?
Not at all Before you go to bed all you need to do is place a pair of shoes by your pillow
Place one shoe upwards and the other downwards
What's the meaning of this?
Dort you get it? It's a victory endorsement
Then you fold your pants in the shape of an octagon
Put it on the top of your head and use it as a pillow
And then you strike the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" post just like this diagram
Spirits wort dare to come into contact with you
We cart use this method for the rest of our lives
Is any absolute method to dispose him?
It's going to be hard ln fact, this is no ordinary vampire
Typical curses and peachwod sabres won't have any effect on him
That is unless you can find seven coffin nails!
Seven coffin nails?
These seven coffin nails are only useful if they've
been buried before a period of 7 weeks No more no less
First, you nail his 4 branches Then, his 2 air holes
And the last one must be aimed at his heart
So what will happen to him?
Then he shall be destroyed, never to be reincarnated ever again
Remember the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" stance when you sleep tonight
What do you think Madam?
It sounds too terrifying You boys shouId come sleep at my place
I'm all for it! Then we'll sleep at Madam's place tonight
You sleep in one room I'll sleep in the same room with Madam
We can keep ourselves safer that way
Your head is full of dirty perverted thoughts
It's not perversion It's called being naughty
I have a feeling that my taste is becoming much closer to Madam's
Low and unrefined right?
Low? Are you implying that Madam is unrefined?
Look! Do you know what this is?
It's a Japanese bonsai tree A symbol of culture and a sign of good taste
Japanese? It's from China!
Do you have any proof of that?
You want proof? Ln year 255 BC Emperor Qin sent Cheng Wu
to escort 3000 boys and girls
with these plants to venture in the Eastern shore That's Japan!
This is where they later settled and began to flourish
So how can you say they're not from China?
Cheng Wu was in the Ming Dynasty, not the Qin Dynasty
That's a thousand years apart And it was Hsu Fu, fool!
Anyway they're from China Since when has Japanese plants ever look so tall?
It's more Japanese when you shorten it up a bit
Now! That's more like it!
No! This does
Like this No shorter
The d? Cor of your place looks very refreshing Madam
My mother decorated it She passed away three years ago
Nothing's been moved or changed
Especially those 3 plants They were her favorites
You imbeciles!
I told you not to touch other people's belongings like that!
Well, we all seem to be hungry now I'll head out and get some midnight snacks
Dort believe anything he said Madam
I didrt touch your stuff I really didrt!
Do I look like a nosy person?
My family raised me properly
Macky Kim told me to pose as a woman by wearing this for him to see
He's gay Hence his Chinese name is Kim Mak GAY
He's gay
Damn that beady eyes Talking behind my back!
You'll feel my wrath very soon
Please don't be mad at me Madam!
Your father's not around to comfort you in Hong Kong
If you don't mind I could take his place
Get away from me!
Arert you afraid of being alone in your room, Madam?
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
It's just me Madam Are you lonely?
Get out!
Yes, Madam!
I guess that just proved she's not acting out of restraint She simply has no interest in me
I'm such a failure!
Man Chiu, what are you doing?
I'm giving you such a scare now aren't I?
Where are my undies? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"
The other side of love is hatred Therefore I'll scare the crap out of you!
You nutcase! How can you be a cop when you're such a scaredy cat?
Help me Madam! Open the door!
No I won't
Open up! It's coming over
No! I won't
Close the door
Want midnight snacks? I'd rather give you guys a good scare first!
The ghost is pounding the door Let's get out of here!
I'm just having a little fun
Wait for me!
Is it faster this way?
No! I'm having a cramp
Now what?
There's only one thing to do since the situation has come to this We'll have to fight him
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
What dipper?
What the hell? That's so vicious he's behind the bushes
I am so dead
Shut up!
I'll bite you to death!
You're so damned pretentious! It's me! Macky Kim
It's you! Seeing you is such a relief
Say no more Let's go in and take a look at Madam
Where's the undies?
God! You're such a troublemaker
You saw me there, didrt you? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
It worked! "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
What eminent? It's me!
How is it? Is everything alright?
It really brings tears to my eyes, seeing you two here again
Why are you two standing over there?
Now, how was that? His blood tastes spicy
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
Lend this to me
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
Dort bother me!
Dort come near me Help!
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"! What?
A fried breadstick?!
Now, what do we do?
We've only got two options
Which two options?
The first option is to go directly over to the haunted house
The haunted house? No way! I think I'll prefer the second option
Head over to the cemetary and look for seven coffin nails
Then, come over to the haunted house and meet up with me
The cemetary? That's just as bad
Let's move!
This looks too suspicious
You're such a coward! What are you doing alone in here?
I well don't you know? I'm here to look for Sneaky Ming!
So you've finally admitted Sneaky Ming is still alive!
Everybody shares the problem but never the reward, right?
This is absolutely logical You stay here and keep an eye on things
I'll get my reward
Catching thieves under such atmosphere is a lot of fun!
Sneaky Ming, why are you standing there like a block of wood?
Look at you! You're dressed like a freak show Are you trying to scare people?
It's absolutely pathetic!
Look at this! You've even painted over your fingernails Have you no shame?
No matter how hard you try, you can never look like a convincing ghost
Let me show you how real ghosts are
Excuse me I've made a big mistake
So Sammo Hung is here to make a horror movie
I love all his vampire movies
Where's Lam Ching Ying? I've always wanted his autograph
He's not here? Not a problem I'll come back another day
Hong Kong film productions are so serious nowadays
They've even gone to the lengths of hiring real ghosts for ghost flicks
No wonder they've become such box office hits
I wouldrt mind being part of the film industry if I had the chance
Help!
Ghost!
Help!
Help me Macky Kim!
Let's get out of here!
What now?
Fight back! We've still got a chance
Fight back?
Help!
The nails! They're here
Man Chiu!
To hell with it!
I'm going to get you!
Man Chiu!
Where's the nails?
Over there!
Help!
Hurry up!
Help!
That thing's right behind me!
There's a room over there Let's get out through that door
Let's go!
Hurry up...
Be carefull
Sir catch it! Great
Help! That really smarts
Help! Help me!
I'm sorry I didn't mean to do this on purpose
Hey! He's afraid of the sunlight
Not good
Are you alright sir?
I'm fine
What about you Madam?
I'm okay
Didrt he bite you?
No
Better do a thorough check
So you've been bitten?
Yes, but it's a hicky
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